Thursday, April 9, 2009

Untitled

Untitled.
by: Ian Chamberlin

You fool.
Look out below!
Before you fall again…
You get pulled up by your puppet strings
but they’re easily tangled
by a strong wind from a kiss blown in your direction.
And no, these words won’t change things,
your eyes will still avoid that awkward contact…
What was once the world is now a self destructing sore that comes and goes.
And even now, after everything
good, bad, and ugly,
you sit and think of what was and what could have been…
silently ripping away at the void in your stomach that the butterflies once occupied.
This mess of a mountain she’s left is unbelievably difficult to venture over.
And even when you feel you’re close to the top,
she's there to relieve your fingers of that hope of a ledge that they cling to,
and you fall back into that deep hole.
The net of music and friends will bounce you back up…
But you’ll still be scaling the side of the mountain,
unable to let go…

8 comments:

  1. Excellent poem...

    My favourite part is: "And even when you feel you’re close to the top,
    she's there to relieve your fingers of that hope of a ledge that they cling to,"

    I write a lot of poetry but I am not that great with critiquing it.

    I will say I could completely identify with this by referencing it back to some of my past break-ups.

    Well done!

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  2. I'm not much of a poetry person & don't even know where to begin with critiquing it. I love this line:

    "silently ripping away at the void in your stomach that the butterflies once occupied."

    Anyone who's been there can relate to that feeling of complete emptiness.

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  3. "And even now, after everything
    good, bad, and ugly,
    you sit and think of what was and what could have been…
    silently ripping away at the void in your stomach that the butterflies once occupied."

    Yep. And still. I think the only way to comment on a poem, is to say whether it Feels True, and this does.

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  4. I can't imagine there's anyone who's not been in this place... very thought-provoking. I like it.
    :-)

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  5. OK.. you already know I love this poem. You do such a great job with the imagery. I still love the "hope of a ledge" and the "mess of a mountain". Those are my two favs.

    And I agree with the other comments.. I think it does feel true. I can relate to it.. And that is huge. :-)

    Well done!

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  6. Excellent. Poetry is a good change-up. I've only written a few poetry pieces myself, and all of them were fueled by breakup and emotional issues...:) I can certainly relate to your concept.

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  7. Well, I bought into the emotion and the story of the fellow getting his heart broken. That's no small accomplishment for normally I abhor such pieces.

    I know little about poetic form, so I can't crit on that specifically.

    I'm very glad you've joined us, Ian. WELCOME!

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  8. I liked this - I don't read or write a lot of poetry so I can't really say much about the mechanics, but I think you really captured the emotion - it's easy to relate to this.

    Well done!

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