Friday, April 3, 2009

Perfect Sense

And so the story ends.

Shattered and broken at the base of the tree.

Into the soil it sinks over time.

Still later, it is absorbed.

Up through the roots.

Up through the memories,

both good and bad.

The scent of red raspberry

and cheap perfume hold on tightly.

Small sparks going off now and then

making you just sink.

And looking back,

all there is to say is:

“What happened?”

Digging out old albums

self titled, non-manufactured.

select tracks setting off explosions

of card games and foreigners.

Inspirational films that no one enjoys.

Dragging out scenes of ocean waves,

rippling planes of water.

Good times with horrible people.

Far off in late night

phone conversations.

A revolutionary room.

No longer in the time zone,

once more, you remember.

A birthday party,

a life changing night.

These posters tear you up.

You want to go back.

You NEED to go back.

There’s nothing you can do.

The good days,

when things were new,

and friends were getting closer.

All gone in a flash.

All pushed to the side of the car.

The goblet never spills.

It will always hold it’s contents,

as long as you can remember the night.

Listening to music you hate,

with people you love.

Every one out of the pool.

No more swimming.

The glasses are broken.

The smoke is gone.

And you miss it terribly.

1 comment:

  1. HA!! I'm your first comment!! LOL YEAH ME! :-)

    Ok.. here we go..

    I loved this piece. First three lines pulled me right in. Love the imagery of "up through the roots, up through the memories". Probably my favorite part are the two references to "good times with horrible people" and "Listening to music you hate, with people you love". The swapping of the two ideas is beautiful and well done.

    As for criticism.. your most powerful lines are broken sentences - flashes of scenes or ideas.. "up through the roots" or "life changing night". They are powerful because of the feeling you give them..

    In some of your lines, you revert to using whole sentences.. example: "Still later, it is absorbed" might be more powerful if you drop the *extras*. "Still later, absorbed". It keeps the feel of the poem constant and consistent. There are more of those "whole" lines that could be cropped down to create more power in the piece. But not all of them... some add flavor.. :0) (confusing.. huh? LOL)

    Oh, and the last stanza. Don't touch it. It is perfectly brilliant just as it is. :) "And you miss it terribly" is a wonderfully heart-wrenching way to end the poem.

    Nicely done!! A pleasure to read. :-)